Unaudited Thoughts

          #unauditedthoughts A certified bibliophile, there are books I have bought and some I got as gifts. Among the sizeable collection from my library, many I have read, some re-read and a lot many awaiting to be read, like those impulsive purchases I make during solo flights when I excitedly buy several books at the airport intending to finish in one go and end up watching a movie instead. Then, there are some books I have cherished and absorbed, either for the thought, the flow of words and language, or the captivating storyline. Occasionally, my library overflows, and I need to give away a few, which is an arduous task since the hoarder in me doesn't want to part with the treasure collected over the years. During one such sorting/clearing session, my hands fell upon an old book. A thick red paperback with a well-worn red cover and yellowed pages, indicating its age. This book ...

Sunsets and Me. My parental house is in the old part of the city. An ancestral place where two previous generations before my father and uncle had lived and flourished. It was an independent home, not very lavish but spacious enough for us kids to play hopscotch, hide and seek and run around as little kids in the courtyard. A place bustling with people. Relatives and extended family who frequently visited. For me, it's a memory of a home full of happiness and sunshine. Yes, sunshine, literally. The house stood west-facing and was right opposite a lake, and every evening, I had a picturesque view of the sunset. Not that I took a chance and appreciated the ubiquitous sunset; mostly, I didn't. I was too busy to even notice it most of the days. In the scorching summers, late afternoons brought heat and glare directly into the rooms of the westward-facing home, and the onset of monsoons would mean the intrusion of insects and mosquitoes into our lake-facing home. The winter afternoo...

The Frangipani Ring. In the humdrum of day-to-day activities, we face an onslaught of little bruises from the world. We give and take harsh words, crack insensitive jokes, and face manipulations occasionally as we navigate through our lives. These little wounds impact us, and someday, this suppressed sadness explodes in anger or trickles down as tears at the slightest trigger. Yesterday was one such day.    I returned home yesterday evening with a cocktail of irritability, anger and sadness, immediately changed into gym wear, decided to hit the gym with a vengeance and release all the pent-up rage and energy. That, however, didn't mean I went to the gym. Instead, I spent an hour lazily lying on the couch watching mindless reels. Finally an hour later, I mustered enough courage and decided to go for walk downstairs in the garden. Armed with ear pods and Oprah's new podcast, I traipsed down the stairs with the goal of reaching 7000 steps.   The garden of our society bl...

 Day 1:                                                                           AAI. My aai has been anything but conventional. Born in a small village, she lost her mother at the age of 6. Living with a large extended family, slowly but surely, chartered her way through and moved to Nagpur. Ambitious and  determined, from an early age, she learnt to navigate her way and ultimately realised her dream of becoming a Doctor. In those days, when females married early and bore children, Aai took her own sweet time and married at the age of 26 ( I got married at 24 :P)! Two years post marriage, she completed her Post Graduation in Pediatrics with a toddler in tow.  Focused, dedicated, sincere, kind, loving, forthright and short tempered is how I woul...

Have your ever lost a dear one ? Oh ! Don't get me wrong, death doesn't make you lose a person. They stay safe in our hearts, alive in our memories.  Lost meaning, has someone just drifted away from your life. Someone who you thought was a your lover, a close friend, elders you looked up to, or siblings,  tied to you by blood. Have you lost them midway, navigating through life? All through our lives we form bonds, Platonic and romantic; beginning with parents, siblings, friends, co workers, to lovers, extended family and so on. These bonds help us connect with the world and sail through tough times. This complex web of interpersonal relationships shapes our personality and wellbeing. These are our goto people, support systems, 4 am friends  or whatever you would like to call them. We confide in them, tell them our deepest fears, dark secrets, sometimes our shameful deeds, our dreams, aspirations, likes, dislikes and so on. They become part of us, we rely on them for ...

A girl who hid under layers of makeup, for fear of her colour being mocked. A young man ridiculed for acting pansy, who laughed at himself to fit in. The artist who gave up his passion for singing, to sit at the cash counter of his Father's mithai store. The quiet simmering spouse in a marriage, dragging it along. The ambitious architect mother, who gave it up all; to fit in the domestic mould. The wannabe biologist who had to live with dead crunching numbers every day. We have heard such stories, read about them, and few of us have experienced it. That brings forth a point why do we do it? Not everywhere you fit in, is where you belong. Quite often, people force themselves to fit in where they  do not belong. Trying to fit in your square peg in a circle.  A majority of us live all through our lives doing things, we are reasonably good at, not necessarily we would like to do or want to do or are passionate about.Occasionally, you pull on a relationship (including non-romantic ...

I am, because he is. Baba has this need to know my location and most of his calls begin with, “where are you?”   It’s a chilly winter eve, Baba calls to ask if I have worn enough warm clothes, since I am prone to cough n cold. Corona Crisis. Baba calls to make sure, I am not going out without mask and have enough sanitizer stock at home. Sunday morning. He calls to ask if I need vegetables, since he is on his weekly shopping spree at the vegetable market. I buy something that is ridiculously expensive (by his standards) and he gives me an earful about the virtue of savings. Bought shirts for him and he is upset, since he doesn’t need them. Never heard him say he needs to buy something for himself. I am unwell with mild fever and cold. Baba comes home! I am 41, Baba is 70. In his mind though, he is 41 and I am 24. No, make that 14. The quintessential Marathi middleclass manoos. He raised me believing, the greatest virtue is kindness and intellectual growth...

As 2019 slips away from our lives and calendars, people around are busy making bucket lists, ticking off 'done items', planning for parties, generally enjoying the lovely weather and festive season! As we enter 2020 in couple of days, a frenzy of sorts happens. New year resolutions are made, bucket lists filled, gym memberships are paid for, planners are bought etc and each one is looking forward to achieving that goal which will make us happy and content. We reflect on the the 'have dones', 'the should have dones' and make a vow to fulfill the promises we made to our selves, in the coming year. The 'have dones' are a validation, realisation that we are worthy in our own eyes and especially in the eyes of others. This drives home a point. What makes us happy? May be a few more zeroes added to the bank account, a jump in career,social recognition,travel to exotic locales, more material possessions, perfect partner, kids getting straight A's, a fa...

Come October, and my favourite part of the year begins. There is slight nip in air. Mornings are more pleasant, especially for Nagpurians, who experience horrible heat all through the year. Days start getting shorter and evenings are cooler too! There is a certain excitement in the air. For me personally, lots of celebrations with birthdays in the family, the approach of festive season and soon to be over, exam season for kids.  Newspapers look different these days. They are full of  advertisements, o ffering freebies and discounts on everything. From the l atest televisions and refrigerators to the newest cars and jewellery. The internet with it's online shopping convenience is flooded with advertisements of 3 days 'maha sale' on Flipkart and Amazon. If you move around the city, there are street shops selling Rangolis, and diyas. The stores and malls  have their freshest stocks. They are open all seven days of the week, with extended hours everyday, hoping to s...

Happy Mother's Day ! Motherhood. Much has been written and glorified what being mother is all about. While many fit into the conventional 'mother mould', there are many among us who face difficult situations and complex emotions.Like they say, each child is different, so is every mother. The only common factor being unconditional love for her child. At times, there are others who take up the role of motherhood, are 'mother figure' to kids and the concept of motherhood changes accordingly. A very Happy Mother's Day To all those mothers, who leave their children every single day and go to work. To those mothers, who gave up their careers to 'be there', for their kids. To those mothers, who are fighting depression, the urge to give up but still hanging on for  their kids. To those mothers, who have had emotional meltdowns thinking they cannot do it all. To those mothers, who fought tooth and nail against judgemental society for their 'sp...

                                                                मैं तुझे फिर मिलूंगी (I shall meet you again): Poem by Amrita Pritam                 तेरा मिलना ऐसा होता है           जैसे कोई हथेली पर एक वक़्त की रोटी रख दे।                                               The above lines are written by Amrita Pritam, a prolific poet and writer from Punjab, India. Among her other honours, were the  Jnanpith Award in 1981 and Padma Vibhushan conferred on her in 2005.  Her passionate writing, the way she expresses pain is something beyond words. Bold and courageous woman, she loved two men throughout her life. The famous poet Sahir Ludhia...

                                             Recently stumbled upon an article about the declining footfall in Khajuraho due to poor road, rail and air connectivity .What came to mind was a  quick getaway  taken last year, road trip to Khajuraho in  December 2018 .It was an impromptu trip planned with friends over casual dinner,  about what to do in the holiday season. Finally, a  place of interest was going to be ticked off bucket list .          Excited, we set off in our car around 9.00 am in the pleasant Nagpur winter. Winter is the best season to be in and around Nagpur, which faces summer for remaining 9 months of the year. Khajuraho, situated in Madhya Pradesh is approximately 600 kms from Nagpur. We went via Sagar- Chindwara route. The road is in great condition, a part of it 4 lane and major...

                                                              Come March and it's wardrobe organising and cleaning season. Time to put away those big fat sweaters and thick jackets. It also means, making way for the summery cottons and smart linens. The biggest problem being creation of space in the already over crowded wardrobe. So, I decided to reorganise and let go of things that do not spark joy in me:) Yes, hail Marie Kondo! With great gusto, I started  my mission. In half an hour the entire room looked like it had been hit by a tsunami. A huge pile of  'I will fit in in someday clothes' sat mocking at me. Quietly, I chided myself for being over positive about fitting in! Pun intended.             A while later hubby peeped in and looking at my confused, bewildered state, chose t...

                      As we come to the end of the 2018, time to look back and ponder at the year gone by, ‘Audit 2018’.           Life has generally been good, some defining moments, some happy ones, few challenges faced and hopefully, lessons learnt.             Travelling is something I did quite a bit this year. From Italy to Khajurao, couple of places ticked off bucket list. Thanks to Sammy dearest for pushing me to take these trips. I hope to continue doing this the coming year. One thing I have realised is that history and art fascinate me much more than natural beauty. Of course, nature is awe inspiring, but stories of how people put their sweat and blood into creations truly move me.                An issue I feel about strongly is the Metoo movement. Much water has flown under the bridge.But each time I hear people ridicule...